When She Calls You a "Player": How to Respond and Win Her Over

If you’re dating a lot of women, it's inevitable that one or two of your dates may accuse you of being a "player." She might do it overtly ("You're a player!") or more subtly ("I bet you take all the girls here..."), but either way, it's a test you need to pass.

When a girl accuses me of being a player, I know that if I don't turn the conversation around really quickly, she's a lost cause. Let's take a look at some things you can do when this situation comes up.

Why are You Giving Off a Player Vibe?

Remember, on a first date, she's analyzing your clothing, your speech, the way you interact with her, and the way you interface with the world around you. Notice your word choice. What were you doing right before she accused you of being a player? Little things, like seeming too familiar with the places you're taking her and reciting rehearsed speeches, can tip her off. If you're too practiced, she'll notice. The good news is that if you're getting this sort of resistance, it's evidence that she is attracted to you; she just doesn't trust your intentions.

How to Handle it in the Moment

No matter what I do to try and avoid being told I’m a player, some girls will insist on having this conversation. It’s a way of testing you to see how you'll handle the confrontation. Here's how I deal with it in the moment. In response to her direct comment, "You’re a player," I'll respond:

"That’s an excellent compliment. I wish people saw me that way, but I'm really just this goofy, geeky guy trying to get a nice girl to fall in love with me."

Then, I throw this big, confident grin at her. This smile suggests that despite my genuine speech about being some loser, I'm actually not a total simp. This will totally mess with her and deflect any confrontation.

Say she throws out something subtler, like, "I bet you bring all your girls here." I'll respond with something totally exaggerated:

"Only five or six of them this week. Two of them I regret bringing here, but four of them really liked it. To be honest, I need a bigger sample size, which is why I'm waiting to see what you think."

Cue that confident grin again. This is a tenet of improv comedy: exaggerate and make absurd! She'll probably just laugh, and that means you passed the test.

If She Keeps Pushing

Sometimes a girl won’t let you deflect and she’ll keep pushing for a response. When this happens, and my joking, deflection, and exaggerations don't distract her, I get serious for a moment. I'll respond with:

"Most relationships I’ve been in would be in this fun but avoidant phase. Eventually, women would force a convo about monogamy. I don’t know where you fall on that spectrum. I'm open eventually to something like that, and now for me, the bar is high. So that’s where I'm at and I'm telling you this because I enjoy spending time with you."

The Lesson

Handle a girl's accusations under pressure by deflecting and joking. If that doesn’t work, it’s time to get genuine.

What to do next:

Reading this blog is a good first step to understanding female psychology, but most guys get caught in analysis paralysis mode by actually studying too much online content. It’s way more effective to study content that is custom tailored to your specific sticking points than reading random articles and watching self help videos. Men fall into three distinct buckets on their journey to attraction mastery.

Bucket 1 - Attraction Aspirant: You don’t consistently generate attraction. You might find yourself in a pattern where dates are rare, and when they do happen, they seldom lead to deeper connections or second dates. You’re conscious about your spending, wary of being perceived wrongly, and perhaps your style doesn’t quite express who you truly are. 

Bucket 2 - Chase Changer: You generate attraction but you find yourself chasing the women you really want instead of getting them to chase you. You are uncertainty in making bold moves. While you're attractive and successful, translating that into dating confidence, especially with high-value women, remains a challenge. Self-sabotage and hesitancy can often be the barrier between you and the dating success you seek.

Bucket 3 - Selective Strategist: You find dating and initiating connections relatively easy, but the challenge lies in attracting those who truly excite and inspire you. It's about understanding the subtle dynamics of high-value dating and leveraging your strengths to create not just any connection but the right one.

To see which bucket you fail into and to get a tailored action plan to improve, answer these 10 quick questions.