Why is it hard to stop chasing girls?

A common piece of advice for men is "don't chase girls." It's good advice, and it's a piece of advice I've given before.

And yet, a lot of the advice from beginners is still “how do I get this girl to like me when she doesn’t?”

Why is it so hard for beginners to follow?

Before we answer that, let’s take a step back. It's crucial to understand that the only lasting method of having women in your life is to first, develop the characteristics that women find attractive, second, learn how to display those characteristics, and third, put yourself in situations where the kind of women you want to meet will see you displaying those characteristics.

Although these three steps form a simple formula for confidence, they’re not easy to implement, and they don't happen overnight. This is why we say there's no magic bullet to being successful with women.

What's an example of mastering these steps?

A guy who doesn't know how to start a conversation goes to improv classes to learn how to banter, then he starts volunteering where he begins to start casual conversations with women.

Back to our original question about chasing: the problem is that if you haven't already mastered these steps, you're going to be chasing girls who aren't completely sold on you, and it's hard to stop. if you don't already have women in your life, it seems like your only option is to chase. If you feel like every girl is telling you no, your gut reaction won't be to find a different girl who says yes, or to find new ways to improve your life. Your gut reaction will be to figure out how to get past the no. You see a brick wall in front of you and instinctively look for ways to get over it, rather than figuring out why the wall is there in the first place.

If you're the typical guy who isn't already attractive to women, and someone like me tells you that you need to stop chasing women, you feel like if you do that you'll lose all your options.

And to most guys, that feels worse than chasing.It’s tough when you’re craving a girl’s time and affection, but sometimes the only way to get it is to wait.

The point of icing is to get her pursuing you.

In most scenarios, if she gave a fuck she would have hit you up again. Women want what they can't have. Yes, you need to stop chasing. If you’re chasing, you’re not the one in control, and you won't get what you want. But at the same time, you need to ensure that you're also improving your life so that you don't need to chase.

• You need to develop attractive traits.

• You need to learn how to display these traits.

• You need to learn basic social skills.

• You need to understand your personality.

• You need to identify what kind of women you do the best with.

• You need to start going to where these women are, and you need to start putting yourself in uncomfortable situations.

Basically, you need to follow the example of the guy who took improv classes.

There’s nothing more unattractive than desperation. Desperation is the least attractive shit on Earth. The root of the issue is that "don't chase" is advice about how to stop being unattractive. It's helpful, but it's not enough. Only when you combine it with everything else you need to become attractive does this advice become helpful, and powerful.

Only then will you stop running into the brick wall, and start to deconstruct it brick by brick.

What to do next:

Reading this blog is a good first step to understanding female psychology, but most guys get caught in analysis paralysis mode by actually studying too much online content. It’s way more effective to study content that is custom tailored to your specific sticking points than reading random articles and watching self help videos. Men fall into three distinct buckets on their journey to attraction mastery.

Bucket 1 - Attraction Aspirant: You don’t consistently generate attraction. You might find yourself in a pattern where dates are rare, and when they do happen, they seldom lead to deeper connections or second dates. You’re conscious about your spending, wary of being perceived wrongly, and perhaps your style doesn’t quite express who you truly are. 

Bucket 2 - Chase Changer: You generate attraction but you find yourself chasing the women you really want instead of getting them to chase you. You are uncertainty in making bold moves. While you're attractive and successful, translating that into dating confidence, especially with high-value women, remains a challenge. Self-sabotage and hesitancy can often be the barrier between you and the dating success you seek.

Bucket 3 - Selective Strategist: You find dating and initiating connections relatively easy, but the challenge lies in attracting those who truly excite and inspire you. It's about understanding the subtle dynamics of high-value dating and leveraging your strengths to create not just any connection but the right one.

To see which bucket you fail into and to get a tailored action plan to improve, answer these 10 quick questions.