Avoid the Over-Gaming Trap: How to Know When to Pull Back
There’s an art to knowing when to game and when to pull back. Too often I see cool dudes hitting it off with a girl at a bar, she’s really into him, and he just doesn’t know when to transition to the next phase of the interaction.
Are you guilty of over-gaming?
What is Over-Gaming?
I see over-gaming all the time, but one recent experience comes to mind as especially aggravating. I almost broke my cell phone over this guy’s head because it was so annoying.
The dude was just trying too hard to be funny; he was pushing everything too much. In this case, he was speaking to what was a clearly well educated, slightly snobby French-Moroccan doctor. She was into it at first, until he started making penis jokes.
There’s a time to make penis jokes and a time to not make penis jokes. Around a 21-year-old party girl, the penis joke might be funny. A snobby French-Moroccan doctor? Not so much.
Intermediate Problems
Generally speaking, the problem of over-gaming is an intermediate problem. It’s something I experienced when I was doing a lot of banter and flirting. I would take it too far because I didn’t know when to shut up and shift gears.To be clear, I’m not talking about role-playing. I spent hours at a bar once with a girl I had just met role-playing that we were husband and wife. She called me Jefferson and I called her Chloe – it was great and we laughed our asses off.I’m talking about the funny, flirty, witty conversation that should really only last for the first few minutes before you transition into something a little more intense.
Know When to Pull Back
Once you’re in, stop gaming. One of my buddies hit it off with a girl in a bar not too long ago. They didn’t sleep together but they exchanged numbers with the intention of hanging out again later.
Fast-forward three days. She texts him a message that says, “Hey, are you going out tonight?”At this point, it would be a mistake to continue gaming her. She’s already interested. If you keep gaming her, it will seem desperate and lame and she’ll lose interest instantly. He responded, “Come meet me. I’m going to Renee’s.”
He knows that he’s golden. His only job at this point is to not screw it up, so he goes into pre-event defense and plays it neutral. Why? Because she’s pursuing him, and if he doesn’t act like an idiot, he’ll have a great night that could potentially end in sex.
The Lesson: When she starts pursuing you, it’s time to stop gaming. If you don’t, it will push her away.
Know when to stop and you’ll see results.
